28 Signs of An Abuser

I'd also like to point out that woman can be abusers as well as men.

1. Unemployed or Underemployment. Underemployment is not necessarily an objective phenomenon; it may be the subjective response to the man's failing to meet his own expectations. Educational and occupational attainment frequently is less than wife's, such status discrepancies are painful even should the husband bring home a higher salary.

2. Emotional Dependency. Emotional dependency on the spouse is usually not recognized or understood, but is expressed through demands for constant reassurance and gratification. This may explain in part why spouse abuse often begins during wife's pregnancy.

3. High Investment in Marriage. Wants to preserve marriage at any cost and will go to great lengths to do so. In the event of separation or divorce, tends to immediately replace lost spouse with a new partner.

4. Boundaries. Violates your personal space. Intimidates you by getting too close. Touches, pinches, grabs you against your will.

5. Quick Involvement. Sweeps you off your feet. Love at first sight. "You're the only one for me." Desperately pressures you for a commitment so you're engaged or living together in less than 6 months.

6. Controlling Behavior. Controls where you go, what you do, with whom and for how long. Controls money and money decisions, won't allow you to share expenses or refuses to work and won't share expenses. Protective to the point of controlling. Says he's angry when you're "late" because he "cares." Takes your car keys, won't let you go to church, work, or school.

7. Jealousy. Angry about your relationship with other men, women, even children and family. This insecurity and possessiveness causes him to accuse you of flirting or having affairs, to call frequently or drop by to check up on you, even check your car mileage or have you followed.

8. Abusive Family of Origin. Was physically, sexually or emotionally abused as a child or witnessed spouse abuse. He sees violence as normal behavior, a natural part of family life.

9. Low Self-Esteem. Guards his fragile sense of self by acting tough and macho. Imagines you threaten his manhood. Damages your self-esteem, demeans you growth, demands your silence.

10. Alcohol/Drug Abuse. Abuses alcohol/drugs, tries to get you drunk, berates you if you won't get high. He may deny his drug problem and refuse to get help. Don't think you can change him or that alcohol/drug abuse causes violent behavior. They are two separate problems.

11. Difficulty Expressing Emotions. Unable to identify feelings and express them directly and appropriately. He may say he's "hurt" and sulk when he's really angry. He displaces anger at his boss or himself onto you.

12. Blames Others for His Feelings or Problems. Believes others are out to get him and he's the victim. Blames you for everything that goes wrong. Will say "You make me mad," "You make me happy," "I can't help getting angry" to manipulate you. Holds you responsible for his suicidal or self-abusive behavior.

13. Hypersensitivity. Quick temper, unable to handle frustration without getting angry, easily insulted. Will "rant and rave" about minor things like traffic tickets or request to do chores.

14. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Seems like two different people with mood swings from nice to explosive. May change his behavior around the guys. May be very sociable around others and only abusive with you.

15. Unrealistic Expectations. Very dependent on you for all his physical and emotional needs ("You're all I need"). Expects you to live up to his ideals of a perfect partner, mother, lover, friend.

16. Rigid Gender Roles. Expects a woman to stay at home, serve and obey him. Gets angry if you don't fulfill his wishes and anticipate his needs. Speaks for you. He thinks it's OK for men to keep women "in line" by force or intimidation.

17. Rigid Religious Beliefs. Justifies rigid sex roles and the physical/emotional/sexual domination of women and children with strict or distorted interpretations of scripture.

18. Disrespect for Women in General. Ridicules and insults women, sees women as stupid and inferior to men, tells sexist jokes ("dumb blond", "PMS" jokes). Refers to women in derogatory or non-human terms ("babe", "chick", "fox", "bitch") or as specific parts of anatomy, de-values women's accomplishments and work, acts like women are second-class citizens.

19. Emotional Abuse. He may ignore your feelings, continually criticize you and call you names like "fat, ugly, stupid" curse and yell at you, belittle your accomplishments, manipulate you with lies, contradictions, and crazy-making tactics, humiliate you in private or public, regularly threaten to leave or tell you to leave, keep you awake or wake you up to argue or verbally abuse you.

20. Isolation. An acquaintance rapist will try to separate you from others to a secluded spot. Batterers will try to keep you from working or attending school, move you to a rural area, restrict your use of the phone or car. He'll try to cut you off from men, women, family and children by saying "You're a whore," "You're a lesbian," "You're tied to your parent's apron strings," or "You're spoiling the kids."

21. Reliance on Pornography. Rapists, child molesters and men who sexually abuse or rape their wives often have an abundance of pornographic literature, photographs, magazines, or videos. They may want to involve you in their interest by photographing you or taking you to pornographic movies or shops.

22. Sexual Abuse. Refuses platonic relationship if dating, uses "playful" force in sex, uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into having sex, coerces or forces you to have sex or hurts you during sex, demands sex when you're scared, ill, tired or starts to have sex when you're asleep, drunk, or unable to give consent.

23. Cruelty to Animals, Children, or Others. Teases, bullies, abuses or harshly punishes animals, children, elderly, weaker people or other women. Is insensitive to other's pan. Tortures or kills pets to feel powerful or hurt you. Threatens to kidnap the children if you leave. Punishes or deprives the children when angry at you. Punishes the children for behavior they're incapable of (whipping a 2 year-old for wet diapers).

24. Past Violence. Any history of violence to "solve" problems. Justifies hitting or abusing women in the past, but "they made me do it." Friends, relatives or ex-partners say he's abusive (Batterers beat any woman they're with. You didn't cause it and you can't control it or cure it).

25. Fascination with Weapons. Plays with guns, knives, or other lethal weapons, threatening to "get even" with you or others.

26. Threats of Violence. Any threats of physical force to control you or make you do something should be taken seriously. He may threaten to hurt you or your family. Non-batterers do not say things like "I'll kill you" or "I'll break your neck."

27. Breaking or Striking Objects. Punishes you by breaking loved objects, terrorizes you into submission (If he doesn't want you to be a student, he may destroy school books or break lamps). Non-batterers do not beat on tables, punch holes in walls, destroy furniture, throw objects at you to threaten you. The message is "You're next! You're just an object I can control and I can break you like our china."

28. Any Force During an Argument. Hurts you in anger or in "play", pushing , shoving, pulling, grabbing you by the collar, holding you down, restraining you from leaving the room, slapping, punching, hitting, kicking, or burning. This cycle of violence is followed by a "honeymoon" period, then an escalation of tension and more violence. The episodes of violence will get more frequent, more intense, and will not stop on their own.

I Hate Dr. Van Dyke

This moron......ok I have GAD (Anxiety Disorder). I was put on Clonazapam a couple of years ago by my previous psychiatrist. One mg didn't do anything so he allowed me to take an extra if I had an emergency attack. Dr. Douche Dyke (who I fired and went back to the previous Psych/MD I trust) thought it would be a good idea to cut it in half WITHOUT TELLING ME! I had to hear it from the confused pharmacist. "You didn't know?!?" No..I didn't.

Lesson: the label "Dr." doesn't mean shit. Careful who you trust. Sorry, I don't usually act like this but the anxiety came back. Yes, I am an open book who knows who could relate? Busted.

Our Ice Storm Photos

That car was replaced! woot

This is from last year but I thought some of the photos were beautiful. Other than the one not pictured >.< a tree went through our roof. I'll never forget that noise!

I Surrender

At 3:50 AM I selfishly took a risk. I could say "Why did I do that??" but that wouldn't make sense. I apologize to Christ and pray that you will forgive me. I do not know what I'm about to face I do not deserve your mercy and compassion after messing up over and over. It does not glorify you and it is disgusting. I am disgusting. You know I'm weak especially now. You know me better than anyone or anything so I will trust you to get me through this. The consequences and your "punishment/lesson".
A lot of people think God is "harsh" or mean but it's the opposite. The world is harsh, satan is harsh, God is not. This pain brings us closer together and as MercyMe would say:

"I can count a million times people asking me how I can praise you with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me...Maybe since my life has changed long before these rainy days it's never crossed my mind to turn my back on you oh Lord, my only shelter from the storm. Instead, I draw closer through these times. So I pray:
Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings you glory. and I know they'll be days where this life brings me pain but if that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain. I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain. You who made a way for me....holy holy holy....is the Lord God Almighty!"

Do not intervene no matter what the situation. God is doing something even when I screw it up. I belong to Him not anyone else on this earth. Last time this happened, He saved me before it hit me. Now, it's my time to step aside.

You Are not A Fan/Supporter/whatever if...

First: I know this happened a while back but it was brought up again....




You're still fussing over Davey Havok's hair or ever DID. His hair wasn't his talent, I'm pretty sure his hair can't sing, I'm also pretty sure cutting his hair didn't kill anyone.
If you ever made an "Evolution of Davey's Hair" video and put it on youtube let me know and I'll let you borrow some of my anti psychotics.

I've seen soo many waste of time websites dedicated to his hair and fangirls crying "WHY DID YOU CUT IT???" Lord have mercy I wish I could pop you all upside the head with a pair of shears. AFI STILL ROCKS:

I can Do Bad

I've always wanted to work with Tyler Perry. Especially since I've been to the lowest places and would love to educate people and share my experiences. That was fail. I didn't choose my race but i did choose to be strong. I do fall sometimes but who doesn't? No matter what you're race, you're you and don't let anyone make you think you're crap over something that stupid. Just be you, do you're best and keep going. God's not through with me yet, either. Apparently....

Lithium Side Effects

I've been taking this for too long. I suffered toxicity at 17 because of it. Why did this come up? Well, to be honest I choked on my pill and trashed it. Not a first. You'd have to walk in my shoes to understand that.

Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Stop taking lithium and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:

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extreme thirst, urinating more or less than usual;
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weakness, fever, feeling restless or confused, eye pain and vision problems;
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restless muscle movements in your eyes, tongue, jaw, or neck;
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pain, cold feeling, or discoloration in your fingers or toes;
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feeling light-headed, fainting, slow heart rate;
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hallucinations, seizure (blackout or convulsions);
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fever with muscle stiffness, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats; or
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early signs of lithium toxicity, such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, drowsiness, muscle weakness, tremor, lack of coordination, blurred vision, or ringing in your ears.

Drug from Hell

From my Twitter: Dr. Van Dyke almost killed me putting me on Lamictal. I was finally off of it and two days later, out of nowhere, almost lost myself. Trying to find my cell phone...I know too many lawyers...it wouldn't be for me it would raise awareness

I just got back. I had temporary amnesia, dizziness, rage. I was crying my eyes out thinking I was going crazy. I can't really describe the feeling but I think this is was hell feels like. Pain, seizing, horrible fear, really bad eye sight, just praying it's over soon or....yeah.

At one point I passed out and went into sleep paralysis. Finally found out it was Lamictal withdrawal. I thought I had gotten over that but it seems it can take up to a few days for it to hit you. This doesn't happen to everyone and you can do it. I'm still waiting for someone to call me back and yes I can out this "psychiatrist". He hands out cards like crazy. He's well known. Douchebag. I was not warned of the withdrawal effects. Thank God I fired him after two sessions. I could tell something was up the minute he acted rude, 40 mins late, was inconsiderate, etc...

To the person who referred him: sweetie, you're crazier than I am.

Learn from my sneaky ass ex psych: try to grill them (it's your life don't be afraid to), do background checks, try to find other patients (or victims) of theirs, learn their from experiences.

At the moment I'm reading an "article" someone pointed out to me:

http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/2007/12/20/lamictal-withdrawal-from-hell/

Listen to my hero. Hopefully you'll hear him and his message of hope and making a difference:

http://www.michaelcuccionefoundation.org/VideoViewer.php?file=Michael5Min.wmv

Big brother sees and hears all on the internet....

...and I'm not stupid. Ok, I just thought about that. Didn't Bush start that? Wow....slow. "The feds are watching you for safety reasons not to invade your privacy" I put those words in there (well, if this were last year) because he wouldn't understand big words.....ok

So update: I start weaning off this spring. I met with my psych/MD and we decided not to jump into it this winter (I have SAD...fun).
Why did I mention "big brother"? Well....I was/am sick and in pain. I slipped up dangerously but learned from it (don't get the popo on me...)

Going to sleep now since I feel SIIICKKK

Lata xoxo

Anti Depressants: Spread this

Anti depressants cause more death than do good. We need to spread the word. I've been overmedicated since the age of 12 and I'm finally beginning to wean off of these drugs that have been holding me back and making me sick. It will be hell but worth it. When it's over for me, it will never be over for others who suffer from these "side effects", being screwed over by Eli Lilly or any drug company, being mistreated by a psychiatrist or doctor, going through a malpractice lawsuit or have been abused. You will all be heard!

If you want to help, send me your stories, advice, experiences, anything. I will not make them public if you do not want to. If you're just talking to me or asking me about something I've been through. Know that you're not alone! I'm sick and tired of these people so it's time to take a stand against them. I'm not afraid of them anymore, I've been beat up for the past 10 years. I've learned as much as possible, educated myself (you should too!). I've been locked up, abused, toxic, sick, in pain, had day terrors, hallucenations, bad reactions, brain zaps, you name it I've probably been there.
I'll be spending most of this year coming off of these drugs. I've chosen a psychiatrist/MD I have known since I was 16. He knows me well and I trust him. I also lean on my faith. I'm blessed to know God because I know this won't be easy but it will be worth it.

I have a hero. I usually don't believe in "heros" but this man has been to hell and back. He was diagnosed with cancer at a young age. He went in fighting and came out fighting.He's my motivation. He once said "I never once blamed God because I know everything happens for a reason." I've never done that either it is society and the world screwing it all up, not God. He saves me. he makes it easy. "Do as much as you can because you never know when something could end your life..."
"Although i'm healthy now, I still have a bigger battle and that's to see that every person doesn't have to go through cancer alone."
That's how I am with what I'm going through. He said "you have to persevere" and I'm determined, driven and ready for it.